What is she to you
by Errand Girl
Summary: My idea of the romance between Fenris and the female Hawke. I do not own Dragon Age. (sadly). Rated for suggestive material, mild violence and Alcohol.


"FENRIIIIIS! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, MISTERRRRR!"

Fenris nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of one **very**, angry Isabella. Fenris picked himself up off the floor from where he'd fallen out of his chair at the sound of the angry pirate, trying to think of want he could have done recently to piss her off. Isabella flung the door to his room open with a crash and glared at him.

"You. Owe. Me. An. **Explanation**!" She gritted out.

Fenris was stunned to say the least. He'd only seen Isabella this angry once before, and that was when that drunkard at the Hanged Man had tried to chat her up and had ended up calling her a harlot by mistake. He didn't even know what it was he was supposed to be explaining. Isabella supplied the answer.

"Care to explain why I was woken up at four in the, **sodding**, morning by the tavern keeper, telling me that my friend was in the bar, crying her eyes out, and downing pint after pint of ale like she was trying to drink herself to **death**? To then to be told by her that she'd never felt like such a **royal** idiot or a **monster** in her whole life and that she felt crawling under a rock to **die?**!"

Fenris was shocked he hadn't expected this. The previous night he and Hawke had shared a night of pure passion, that was before Fenris had told her he couldn't be in a relationship with her and left. He'd pretended that it hadn't mattered, her tears, her quiet sobs as he walked away. But he hadn't expected to hear from **Isabella, **of all people, that Hawke had gone to the Hanged Man and started **drinking. **Hawke was the kind of girl that only drank on special occasions, and never very much.

Fenris was a loss for what to say. "Sorry..."

Isabella's glare intensified. "I **said** an explanation, **not** your half arsed apologies. I'm not the even one you should be apologizing to anyway. So would you care to tell me why you 'did' her and then dumped her like a bad habit?" Isabella sighed. "Do you have any Idea how much you've hurt her?"

Fenris sighed, he knew he'd hurt her, that was obvious, but clearly he'd under estimated just how much.

"I never meant to hurt her." He said lamely.

"Could've fooled me. She gave you her 'V card', for Maker's sake, Fenris. Her 'V card'!"

"'V card'?"

"'V card', 'virginity', whatever you want to call it! One way or the other it is not something that a girl like Hawke gives away lightly! She the kind of girl who gets attached and dreams of marriage long before even thinking of giving her all! Maker's sake, Fenris, she thought you were serious about her, that she was going to get the 'happily ever after' every little girl **dreams** of with her 'prince charming'! She's head over, sodding, leather clad, heels **in love** with you!" She looked Fenris died in the eyes. "Just what **is** Hawke to you?"

Fenris was speechless. He'd asked himself that numerous times. Just what was Hawke to him? She was important to him, he wanted to protect her, which was part of the reason he'd left. If Denarius had found out about them, he would have hurt her to get to him, maybe even killed her.

Isabella sighed. "You are impossible. Here I am, a known playgirl, giving out long term romance advice. I never thought I see the day." She turned to leave. "You should hurry up and figure out the answer to that question out. If you take too long, you might find that someone will come along and sweep Hawke of her feet, maybe start calling her 'Maria'. Now, I have to get back to the Hanged Man before Hawke wakes up and tries hitting the ale again. Hopefully she'll have too much of a hangover to try."

Fenris had expected Hawke to give him the 'cold shoulder' after hearing about what had happened after he left. But she didn't. She put on a smile and acted like that night had never happened (and that she hadn't tried to drink herself into a stupor right after), although, now she would always keep a respectful distance from him. Two weeks later, though, her mask seemed to shatter. The day her mother died.

Leandra staggered in the unfamiliar body, made of various parts from murdered women. Hawke dashed over to her catching her before she hit the ground. Leandra smiled up at her daughter.

"I knew you'd come for me."

Hawke smiled back and forced a strained laugh, trying to hold her humorous mask in place. "You know me. I always save the day."

Leandra shushed her daughter gently.

"Hush, Love. That man would have kept me here. I'm free now. I'll be able to see Carver and Bethany… and your father again. But I'll be leaving you alone."

Hawke chocked back her tears. "I should have watched you more closely. I should have been there for you…"

"Shhh. It's okay, love." Leandra smiled at her daughter. "You've always made me so proud…"

With that Leandra breathed for the last time. Hawke held her mother close, choked sobs raking her throat. She was all alone now. Both her siblings, and father were died, and now so was her mother.

Later that night, after Hawke had broken the news to her Uncle Gamlin, Fenris walked into her room to find Hawke curled up into a ball with her knees up to her chest. He'd never seen her like this, so fragile. Hawke wasn't fragile, she was strong, energetic, cheerful… the woman he still couldn't define.

Fenris sighed. "I don't know what to say… but I'm here."

Hawkes voice was so small, so different from how Hawke was meant to sound. "Just say something… Anything…"

"They say the death is only a journey… does that help?"

Hawke sniffed and lifted her head from her knees slightly. "They do say that we return to the Maker's side after death, right?"

"I don't know if that's true or not…" Fenris sat down next to her and ran his fingers through her short black hair comfortingly. "But I suppose there's no point in filling these moments with empty words."

Hawke wasn't the same after that. Her smile was less relaxed, and her sarcasm was less frequent. She was more violent in her fighting too. She was ruthless in her fights, especially against slavers and blood mages, though she still took no sides with the Mage/Templar conflict, preferring to try to find a peaceful end to the fights. When Fenris faced his final demon Hawke had been even more vicious to Denarius then other criminals, nearly slicing his right arm off with her dagger. After Fenris had dealt with Denarius, he turn to his sister, the one who had sold him out to his former master. She had begged Hawke to stop him.

Hawke raised an eyebrow, like she had with the elf that had stolen the Quinari poison and the mage that had spread a rumour about him being a blood mage to impress women in a bar, that look that obviously said she was trying to figure out if you were crazy or just very stupid. "I'm a neutral party here, thanks."

Fenris had killed her, and right after he still felt empty. He turned away from her body and chanced a passing glance at Hawke, then averted his eyes. "I'm alone now."

Hawke had smiled at him in that way of hers that only she could, that way that made anyone feel reassured and safe. "I'm still here Fenris."

Fenris saw in her eye something he thought he would never see again... hope, and love. Fenris felt his heart swell at the sight of those emotions, that he had thought died with Hawke's mother. But now wasn't the time to act on his feelings, not while he was covered in blood and felt filthy and disgusting.

He simply said, "Let's go. I feel... unclean." and left.

Hawke came by the mansion later that day to check on him. Isabella was already there, giving him another round of lectures on 'love', and how to treat women properly. But at the sound of the front door opening and closing she quickly changed the subject, switching to offering Fenris a position on her 'crew'. To which Fenris, impolitely, refused. That was when Hawke came in.

Fenris Sighed. "Yes, I am free. But what exactly am I supposed to? Any past I had died with my sister. I have nothing now not even an enemy."

Hawke smiled warmly. "Maybe that just means there's nothing holding you back anymore."

"An interesting thought. It's... just hard to over look the stain that magic has left on my life. If I seem bitter, it's not without cause. Perhaps... it is time to move forward. But where does that lead? Do you know?"

Hawke shifted a little nervously. "Where ever it leads. I hope we stay together."

Fenris smiled. It had been years since he'd seen this shy, bashful side of Hawke, which, so far, only he had managed to get out of her. "I as well." Hawke looked up at him her face a slight pink. Fenis decided it was time to act. "We never discussed what happened three years ago."

Hawkes face instantly turned red as a tomato and the mention of what had happened all those years ago. Looking away. "Y-You never wanted to talk about it."

Fenris suppressed the chuckle that threatened to surface at the sight of 'the champion of Kirkwall' blushing like a love sick school girl. He turned serious. "I felt like a fool." He admitted. "I thought it better if you hated me... I deserve no less. But that night..." He stood and walked to stand in front of Hawke. "I remember your touch as if it were yesterday." Hawke's face darkened even further (If that was even possible). "I should have asked for your forgiveness long ago. I hope you can forgive me now."

Hawke looked and Fenris with those adorable 'lost puppy' eyes. Then she focused and smiled. For the first time in so long she gave a true smile. "I understand. I always understood."

Fenris Leaned over her his hand supporting him on the back of the couch on either side of Hawke. He smiled down at her. "If there is a future to be had..." he lowered his head so that their foreheads were resting against each other. "…I will gladly walk into it at your side."

He lowered his head further, bringing his and Hawke's lips together in a gentle kiss. Hawke tried to stand on her shaky legs, Fenris wrapped his arms around her to stop her from falling. He had his Hawke back, and this time, he was never letting her go. It was as he was sitting of the couch in front of the fire, Hawke in his arms. That he realised that the answer to _that_ question, had been staring him in the face the whole time. He ran his fingers through Hawke's Shoulder length black hair, and smiled.

"You are everything to me."


End file.
